Composing Discernment

In my heart of hearts, I have wanted to please my Lord more than anything. It’s funny how many ways someone like me with my ‘earn your keep’ mentality will try please God so He’ll be proud of me. I’m a passionate person with an all or nothing attitude when it comes to life. Anything else just seems dishonest. So as a damaged, hopeless, insolent and desperate young woman, “Surrender All” didn’t seem like much of a sacrifice. I would overhaul myself at any tidbit of information I found in Scripture. God started with my mouth! “No course joking” . . . no more sarcasm, got it! “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” . . . I learned to be afraid to speak! And my favorite: “Even fools are considered wise when they keep their mouths shut” . . . I figured if I wasn’t wise enough to speak wisdom, I was at least wise enough to keep quiet! (Funny how so many lack this even this small amount of wisdom!) I embraced this whole-heartedly! But then I found other commandments: “Speak boldly” “Do not be intimidated by them” “You must say whatever I command you!” This was much more difficult and seemed to go completely against the first lessons I learned about being godly, but boldness was what I embraced! I cultivated boldness in the Lord and told quite a few people just exactly what was wrong with them! Just like a normal child, a child in Christ is just as sure of themselves and their awareness of the world around them; and, just like a child, is just as convinced about how stupid the adults around them are. Don’t we all wish we knew everything like we did when we were teenagers? I think all Christians go through this developmental stage just like all children. Unfortunately, not all grow out of it! But, I digress! Needless to say, life has a way of snapping us, rather abruptly, into a more humble reality. I once again fell face down in repentance for (hear me) following Godly characteristics without following God.

I have noticed this dichotomy within myself (and many others) in so many different aspects of the Christian walk. To speak or not to speak is just one of many. How about mercy and justice, bearing with one another and expel the wicked man from among you, peace and spiritual warfare, love and anger. Or even the comfort of our blessed assurance juxtaposed with our fear of the Lord and the possibility of falling from grace? These are all godly characteristics and yet they seem opposed to one another. How can that be? There are an infinite number of these so called contradictions that we place in our hearts if we pursue godly characteristics in this way. C. S. Lewis stated that there is not one of these characteristics which will not make us into devils if we set it up as the absolute guide.* Even a mother's love can cause us to be unfair toward another and is therefore an inappropriate characteristic to employ at times.

I love his analogy. He compares all these characteristics: love, anger, contentment, holy discontent, acceptance, rejection, temperance, passion, faith, suspicion, fear, courage, etc. to keys on a piano. There are no “right” or “wrong” keys on a piano. “Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. [Godliness] is not any one instinct or set of instincts: it is something which makes a kind of tune.”* Discernment is the key to knowing which aspects of God’s character to apply in certain situations.

I have noticed I am much better at developing certain godly characteristics and applying them to every situation. Much like a carpenter who only owns a hammer: everything looks like a nail (thank you pastor Allen Jackson) I have a more difficult time of developing the spiritual discernment required to walk fully in the footsteps of Christ.

Let me share an example: I’ve always wanted the meekness and unconditional love of Christ to radiate from every aspect of my life. That was until I saw the severe consequences of my lack of vigilance in protecting a group of people God placed me in charge of. Now I see a certain level of suspicion as a godly characteristic. The temptation is to now meet every situation with suspicion out of my duty to protect, but in doing so I may possibly reject those God has called me to love out of my lack of discretion. I need to learn that one response is never the right one, but that I need the discernment of the Holy Spirit to meet each person and each situation with the response that glorifies God and advances His Kingdom! It is more difficult than knowing right and wrong. And it requires an effort in seeking God that challenges me on every level.

I noticed that even though David would defeat every army that attacked him with ease, he never even responded to an attack until he consulted God and got instruction on how to proceed. I honestly don't see myself reacting that way if I were in his place. I want that level of dependence on God so I know how to respond to every situation! Never let me set up my ideas of right and wrong over my need to seek Your face. I want the wisdom to be able to live my life in perfect harmony with my Lord, so I need His guidence to compose that discernment that leads me in rhythm with Him and his purposes. Wow! What a challenge!

*C.S. Lewis. Mere Christianity. Chapter 2